Saturday, November 27, 2010

Love Train Gets Held Up

Last week, I decided to jump aboard the Love Train. And it seemed like an adventure . . . until the hold-up. 

My friends were encouraging me to jump aboard, take the trip. "You've been divorced for about a year. . . you never go out!" 

True. I feel the way about giving up singleness as I do about giving up chocolate.

But I softened. I listened. A date now and then might be nice. Finding my best friend might be even better. I could feel myself getting sucked in, just as I do when I watch a romantic comedy.

Eventually, I mustered up the courage to create a profile, actually 3 profiles, on 3 Christian internet dating sites. I'm also a sucker for free trial offers. 

And since everyone wants a photo, I set up my camera, turned on the self-timer to take a photo of myself while the beep . . .beep . . .beep . . .beep . . .beep . . .beep-beep-beepbeepbeepbeep gave me time to pose. 

This was me. Today. Not waiting for everything to be perfect. Being honest. But honestly, what was I thinking? Who in the world would ever want me like this? The weight I'd gained during my unhappy marriage was still there. 

Still, a picture is worth a thousand words. Or, in my case 213 words.

The following morning, I logged onto the first dating site. YOU GOT MAIL, was flashing already! Excitedly, I opened the mail.

But the Love Train's engine screeched and the train slowed to a dead stop. Jesse James had arrived.

Dear Friend in Christ,

Okay ... can you imagine how super sharp you will look when you get to a better God-honoring playing weight? Really ... were you once the homecoming queen, the sweet cute high school bombshell?

I normally never choose to interact with a woman who is more than "medium." When a man/woman is large, it suggests to me that at this stage in adult life that he/she still lacks the internal discipline to be the best he/she can be ... for God, for potential spouse.

So, dear lady ... get crankin' and take one consistent step ,after another to become that smash hit lovely woman you can be. Clearly the Lord has given you plenty of natural beauty ... why not enjoy it.

Take the necessary steps to make create and preserve time in your daily agenda to walk/exercise/reduce consumption volumes/reduce times per day that you eat and ... humble yourself and pray for God's grace and strength. Make yourself strictly accountable to a true friend who will lovingly, relentlessly hold your feet to the fire ... as you get in the fast lane toward beautiful you.

Yes ... so much more to add ... but no doubt already more than you wanted.

Godspeed, dear lady ... now, "go for it!!"
Signed, (His name)

After reading this "dear friend in Christ's" note, I was thankful. Thankful that my picture prompted a mere 213 words, and not a 1,000.

As quickly as possible, I logged into "My Account" on each of the 3 Christian dating websites. I located "Upload/Delete a Photo," then pressed the "delete" button and watched while my photos disappeared.

Then, I fought the urge to hit reply. I fought the urge to tell him how he was wrong.

 . . . I never was the homecoming queen.